World of me.

I wake up, I get ready, I drink my coffee and as of lately I have my cigarette.  I will go to the grave saying I don’t actually smoke and that I am strictly a closet smoker and because of stress, currently I am smoking more than less.  

I go to work, I go to my desk.  I go through my email and paper work and make sure all is well for the rest of my day. I have meetings and then finally I get down to work.  I have a typical job and it’s something I do enjoy.  I keep business and personal life separate or else I will start to hate my job and also the things I do in my spare time. 

My life right now is a complete mess.  I am so young and have my life together and i’m proud of that but also feel badly because I have yet to really live.  I know that this is so confusing and i’m also very confused hence my confusion rant.  But I can’t stress it enough that though you have your life together does not mean you can’t be a beautiful mess or maybe an unbeautiful mess.  Either way, it is hard to determine what makes life just good or great.  I don’t want good enough.  Some people are content with good enough and that’s okay.  

However I just wonder what life would be like if I didn’t have my life together. I studied and worked my ass off and I wonder what it would be like if I had slacked and not really cared.  I guess I should thank my mom for that because she was always on my case about being smart and understanding that life is what you make it and success is key and that if you want to be able to do things, you need to have money to do so but at the same time teaching me the value of a dollar and the ability to save and work for your money instead of having things handed to you, which is why I have an incredible work ethic and i’m very happy about that.  

I have this world that I live in that is so peculiar.  I don’t wish for a second it was different because I have grown to love my life and also dislike parts of it.  That’s generally something that happens though, you never stop wanting more and if you ever stop wanting more then I feel bad for you and I wish you the best in your already perfect life.

I hope that the world of me changes everyday, I hope that the little things start to count and I start to enjoy them even if they aren’t good.   I hope that eventually I will understand the depth of my life and the depth my heart, mind and soul.

I am a mess and I am put together.  The spectrum is endless.

Always, the lovely t.