Bad news.

I always dreaded those doctor calls, where they say they’ll call you if anything comes up.  A few months ago, I went in for my yearly physical.  Being a woman, of course that includes a pap and cervical cancer screening as well.  

I am just now getting a call from the doctor regarding everything and turns out that in the cancer screen they found a-typical cells, meaning abnormal and I need to get them checked ASAP again because they are unsure.

Hearing this over the phone in a different province from your family and friends is a little heart aching.  I have always wondered what I would do if this situation has ever come up and now that it’s happening, i’m completely lost and very… too be honest.. Scared.

I didn’t know what to say at first, I didn’t know what to think or do.  My family has a history of cancer and I don’t want it.  Obviously.

I think what I’m feeling right now is confused.  I’m a little nervous to go get checked again because I don’t want to find out anymore bad news, i’ve even considered not going to the doctor again.  

I think that this is a natural human instinct, or just mine.. too run or stray when things get a little rough.  I have done my best to be strong about this but I really feel like breaking down.

I have so much on my mind about life and my love and to add this to the mix is sort of inconvenient. I can only think positive but yet my mind won’t stop thinking about the negative.  I hope that I can get through this.

I am concerned about my mother.  She is the most worried and most upset.  I hope that she will get through this and that she will be able to be there for me, which I know she will, I just don’t like seeing her hurt.  She is strong, and I hope I can be as strong as her.

 

Anyways, I needed to get that off my chest.  

Always, the lovely t.