This blog came into my life at a very pivotal moment, when everything is falling apart and also coming together. If you think that confuses you, imagine how I feel myself.
I think that at some point something is going to have to give. My love life is falling apart, yet we just bought a house and are planning on starting a life together. I am so indifferent when it comes to the two. I love Dustin. I really do, but he is missing something. This totally ties in with my whole soul mate rant the other day. I know for a fact that I need him. We are who we are now because of each other. We helped create the monsters we are now and in this moment. I want to want him, I want more then to want him. I just don’t know which direction to go, we can’t go back now. We can’t just spend the rest of our day’s resenting each other for no reason. I enjoy him, most of the time.
I am only a young lady, I have yet to experience all the world has to offer and I intent not to because realistically, you just can’t. I do however, want to try to do so. I think that at the end of the day I would like Dustin to share this with me, share all the things I want to do. He is simple. He doesn’t have desire to do this or that. He is by the book and i’d like to throw it out the window. I spent a while thinking about what I should say or do with this. Like I said, everything is coming together and also falling apart.
My life is a good life, I have a house and a car and I have money. I have everything I need and more.
I assume one day it will all work out as most things do, but I won’t leave it entirely up to fate because honestly, if you want something done, you must do it yourself or sit on the sidelines and watch it all pass you by.
I have decided to continue being confused because I will spend my whole life confused, I will let things fall apart and come together… when I choose for them to do so.
I haven’t much else to understand other then life and I will figure it out one day, even if it’s my last day on earth I will figure it out.
always, The lovely T