I am from the country. My father is an extremely hard working man and does what he can to support his family. My mother is the nicest and most loving person you will ever meet, it doesn’t matter who you are – she will love you. My brother is something different, he is a strong person but deep down he is the sweetest kid and wears his heart on his sleeve. My sister is a beautiful little girl with a lot of built up emotion that she doesn’t know how to control, probably what happens when you are the youngest of three. Me? I am the oldest and I hold the family together. I keep what’s left of this little family alive. I am the most feisty and reluctant person when it comes to these four people who I have loved since the day I met each and every one of them.
We are all different and probably the reason we don’t all get along very well. Except my mom, she gets along with everyone because she is so nice but also naïve and that makes her a push over. Yet she is the most beautiful human being I know, would and has done everything and anything for us. My dad is head strong, very set in his ways – Sort of like me, which I can’t say is a bad thing although I know it is, simply because I, myself am not ashamed to admit I have an anger problem and take it out on the innocence of whoever is around me. I know that my brother is becoming like that, but he is the best balance out of all three between the two parents. My sister, she is my mother. She is blonde and blue eyed and is a complete wreck much like myself.
I am far from them, physically. I get phone calls or texts every week to update me on what’s going on. It would seem as if they are all falling apart with out me, I am troubled by this. I don’t think it’s selfish that I ran away from it all. I think it’s fair. I think that I, being the oldest should have the chance to get away. I know Thomas, my brother will eventually want to run away too. Chelbie, my sister, she will be the one that stay’s. She loves my mom more then any of us and she isn’t afraid to show it.
I am that glue, I put the pieces together when they have fallen apart. I am the one they go to. I have the answers and I don’t know how I got them. I grew up fast and I grew up like this. I am not ashamed as I have stated. We are a beautiful family and we love each other all very much. We say things we don’t mean and we don’t get over it very easily but I know that if any one us needed anything we would be there.
My mom and her faith, she is a good lady, with a good heart and she is loved. She thinks the world of everybody she meets and rarely has anything to say that is bad about anyone. She will take you in to her house and become your friend, she will make you a cup of tea and from then on she will be your rock, when you need her she will be there. I don’t know how she does it, I look at her sometimes puzzled.. wondering how she sees the good in everything as if nothing bad can happen. She just takes the good with the bad and she enjoys her life, I wish I could say the same, not that I don’t but just the way she does it. Like nothing can stop her. She’s has raised me to be an excellent person with good intention and I love her for that and I know that I have a functional part to me and that part is her. The only thing that has been consistent in my life is her love. I will tell you this though, if you mess with her dog… she will attack.. my mom I mean… not the dog.
My dad, he is where the dysfunction in my life comes from. I have always wondered why my dad is so set in his ways and how he does things. I’ve often wondered if it was his mother who instilled that in him. He is a strong man and a very hard worker. He has done plenty for us and he will continue to do plenty. He has had a rough life within himself I believe and I don’t think he will ever get over it. I think that he loves us though, I know he always has and always will. He is a protector and he is a fighter. He loves his daughters and when he first met Dustin he put the fear of god into him and they have oddly enough been friends ever since. I know that somewhere in the big persona he reflects is a huge teddy bear. He will tell you how it is and you will listen. He is that person. My dad has raised me to be tough, there are no pansies in his little family unit. I like scotch and whiskey and that is because of my father. Not that he was a drunk, because he’s not, he’s far from it. He always told me to cover my own ass and that I am number one. Do what makes you happy he said, do not live for others or you will never truly live. I know that is true and the reason I’m this tough, take no shit, do what I want, when I want and dysfunctional person is because of him. I am a good mix between the two parents.
My brother and sister are who they are. My brother is a strong young man who is trying to live up to the standards my dad has set for him and my sister is an innocent all around sweetheart who buries her emotions so deep inside that when they come out she becomes a monster and yet she is so lost that I need to guide her.. I need to guide her to the part of herself where she will feel okay. I miss them, I feel sad that I can’t be there to watch them grow and learn but I can teach them all the things I have learned.
I am the glue, I have said this before and I will say it again. I am that part of my family that holds them together, when they are lost or when they are found. Without me, they would fall apart. This is true and this is what I know. I love them and they love me.
I know that one day, I will be back with them and maybe one day I will add to this family. Until then, I will be the glue and they will be the pieces.
Always, the lovely t.